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Lessons from failure with past collaborator
Updated 639 Days AgoPublic

There was a past collaborator who has decided to leave the project instead of attempting to resolve their behavioural issues in relation to important community dynamics.
This page is intended to debrief on the events and describe the lessons learnt for future collaborations :)

Even though they admitted borderline personality disorder and heavy substance addictions earlier on, they indicated a passion for the environment and intentions for sobriety so we were hoping to collaborate and also provide some degree of sanctuary.

This page is a draft.

This page is public because

  • the issues raised about their behaviour has already been expressed directly to the individual involved
  • no personally identifying information is visible about the past collaborator
  • it is about the Sanctuary project and not the individual in question
  • the individual voluntarily chose to leave the project
  • the individual has, at least once since leaving, publicly posted indirect defamation of the Sanctuary, and it is beneficial to have a formal summary to counteract any incorrect claims

Problematic behaviours

  • Unwillingness to admit personal fault for any instance, instead finding fault with others (external locus of control + victim mentality to justify their problematic behaviours)
  • Forceful, pushing and demanding interpersonal approach, instead of collaborative
  • Lack of intellectual humility in discussing solutions¹
  • Non-consultative, unpremeditated, unnecessary acquisition of animals (asking forgiveness instead of permission, or directly defying concerns raised) when they were not even living on the Sanctuary
  • Aggressive ways of speaking to people, including their own children (yelling, screaming, tantruming)

¹ Firestone Sanctuary has a holistic approach that considers input from reproducible scientific consensus, not outlier or fringe theories that may rely on cherry-picked anecdotes and logical fallacies


In hindsight, @Timotheos takes responsibility for an over-tolerance of 'red flag' behaviour, details of which were emerging slowly over time.

  • violent physical attack of their partner, police called, individual taken to mental hospital
  • neighbours had previously reported the individual for abuse of their children, so the individual is already on good behaviour (one more report and they could lose custody of their children)
  • heavily addicted to illicit substances
  • emotionally blackmailing partner to acquire resources
  • ending attendance of therapy


The extreme victim mentality allowed them to even explain away their physical violently hitting of their partner with an improvised weapon as being partner's fault due to partner's emotional withdrawal (noting also that partner's emotional withdrawal is a very likely a response - valid or not - to having to live with the aggression)

Moving forward

Firestone Sanctuary will endeavour to promote

  • Peaceful and inspiring communication strategies
  • Education about cognitive biases and logical fallacies
  • Not inviting individuals to a permanent residency position until they can demonstrate emotional regulation, collaborative approach, and kindness

Firestone Sanctuary will consider police checks for individuals who are to become permanent residents

Last Author
Last Edited
Nov 16 2020, 6:23 PM

Event Timeline

Timotheos created this object.Nov 5 2020, 3:13 PM
Timotheos edited the content of this document. (Show Details)Nov 16 2020, 6:23 PM